NVN Sunday: PICKING UP THE SETTLEMENT CHECK FROM MY SON’S WRONGFUL-DEATH CASE DURING THE ECLIPSE
by Susan Vespoli
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My dead son was in the car with me as I drove to the lawyer’s office to pick up my net-settlement check and we drove past a laughing-Buddha chihuahua running against traffic down the center of Dunlap and we drove through a split of mountain crags and we drove past a guy twirling and tossing a red-arrow sign at an intersection and my heart and gut felt on fire with raw grief and I said, “Well, here we are, Adam,” meaning the end of the lawsuit and even as I wanted to sob and flail I could feel him smiling beside me, saying, there, there, like a benevolent cloud. When the paralegal handed me the check, she beamed as if we should don party hats, throw confetti and I wanted to pop every balloon in the place, wave the rectangular piece of paper in the air and say, this represents my son’s life. Outside, humans were wearing tiny plastic glasses and looking up at the sun and the sky over the parking lot glowed fluorescent and this check felt like me saying it was okay the cop shot my son but I have fallen into a sort of love with a man who is ironically a lawyer who has helped me interpret the mind-fuck of the legal system, understand that money the City of Phoenix had to pay caused them pain to spark change and it is springtime on the planet where my son’s physical body is only a memory and there is a throng of 5’ tall sunflowers standing outside my bedroom window and the ocotillo in my front yard, mere sticks and thorns a month ago, is now covered with soft green and topped with flame- colored flowers the wind flutters into candles on a cake.
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Susan Vespoli lives in Phoenix, AZ, where citizens are still waiting for the release of the DOJ report regarding the Phoenix Police Department's excessive use of force. Her son, Adam, was killed by a police officer on March 12, 2022.
I am so sorry for the loss of your son. How could you even find the words to create such a masterful poem, how did your fingers move? My heart breaks for all you’ve been through.
Wow. Devastating.